Saturday, November 12, 2011

The desire of my heart...

So here is the deal, I have 2 amazing little boys that call me Mommy! Carson, who will soon be 2 and Caleb, who will soon be FOUR, wow 4! Anyway, I have always wanted to have at least one child of each sex and especially have always had a deep desire within me from the time I was a little girl to have a daughter. SO, after have 2 precious boys that I absolutely adore, and who adore their Mommy I might add ;), I wanted to try one last time to have a girl. I say one last time because it took a little convincing of my husband to even go past 2 kids. He was raised in a family of 4 kids and it was a little stressful and hectic at times, so he has never wanted to have 4 or more children.
After trying for over a year to conceive with Caleb, and then surprisingly conceiving Carson with NO "trying" when Caleb was 16 months old, we were determined to plan this one. So, since our boys are 2 years and one day apart, I really wanted our third child to be close to that so he or she could grow up close to them as well. I went off of birth control in June of this year, AND we did a lot of reading up on supposedly how you can do certain things to help you conceive a girl. NO weirdos, its not positions or anything crazy like that. Just has to do with when and how often you do the jig around when you are supposed to be ovulating. (yes, I said "the jig" lol) So, when the time came around to take a pregnancy test, its usually around 14 days after you ovulate, I took a test, and to my disappointment, NOT PREGNANT. I was a little sad, but it was the first month we tried, so I knew that we could keep trying, no big deal. But, the weird part was I just felt pregnant. Robbie kept telling me it was just me wanting myself to be pregnant and overthinking it so it made me a hypochondriac. ;) But I knew something just wasn't right. So, in secret I went and bought more pregnancy tests. Yes, in secret because those things are expensive and I know Robbie didn't want me spending anymore money on them. I took them a few days after the first and still nothing. So, at that point I started to tell myself that I really just wasn't pregnant this time. But the next week, I just still could not shake this feeling of "feeling pregnant" crazily I decided to buy tests one more time and this time I got the digital kind so there was no guessing on the lines. AND...
I WAS in fact pregnant. We later figured out at the doctor that I had just ovulated later than I thought. So, there goes all the "trying" for a girl out the window. All the stuff we did was now in vain, it actually was in God's hands. (as if it wasn't in God's hands all along!)
So we went when to the doctor when we thought I was eight and a half or 9 weeks along to have our pregnancy confirmed and check everything out. They always do an ultrasound to confirm and see how far along you are.
Here is our little peanut at 7 weeks! Already such a precious little miracle!
And so the pregnancy journey begun. I had already begun to experience nausea around 6 weeks, and it would wind up only lasting until 10 weeks!! Which was really awesome because with Caleb it last until 12 weeks and Carson 16. I was constantly dreaming about and praying for a daughter. Yes, I know at this point the sex was obviously already whatever it was going to be, but I still couldn't help but pray. I think it was more just conversations with God. "God, surely you will give me the desires of my heart. I already have 2 beautiful boys that I love with all of my heart. Please bless me with a little girl." And other prayers, "God, please let me be ok and happy with whatever the sex of this baby is. Every child is a gift from you." "God, please just let this baby be healthy, and let me be ok if its not."
So, I wound up changing doctors and when I got to my new doctor she kept going by my last period for my due date, instead of the due date from the ultrasound I had gotten at my other doctor. She kept saying I was further along than I was. I kept trying to correct her but I guess she just kept forgetting. So when I was 15 weeks, almost 16 I was in for a checkup and I knew we would probably schedule my ultrasound while I was there for around 18 weeks which would have been at least a little over 2 more weeks. BUT, she was still going by the wrong due date thinking I was 17 weeks. So, she said well let's schedule your ultrasound for next week since you will be 18 weeks along. My mouth was shut! haha, I knew I was only going to be about 16 and a half weeks when I had the ultrasound, but I knew it was completely possible to find out the sex via ultrasound at that point in the pregnancy. I was getting to have my ultrasound 2 weeks earlier than I expected. I was elated!!!
Those next 7 or 8 days until the ultrasound were so hard. I would lay awake at night just wondering whether I had a little girl or boy inside of me. Every time I tried to picture this baby being a boy I just couldn't do it for some reason. So, that gave me major anxiety. Knowing that statistically we were most likely having another boy and I couldn't even picture having another boy in my mind was a hard pill to swallow.
So the day comes, October 28th, the day I will get to see my baby moving around on a T.V. screen. See that sweet little profile, see the hearbeat, and find out the sex of my baby. I made it at 9:30 in the morning so I wouldn't have to wait all day, I had already done enough waiting. We are driving to the appointment and Robbie keeps telling me that I have to be ok if its a boy because it probably is. I tell him to just be quiet and let me deal with it when I find out for sure. ;) We get back to the room, we have both of our boys. So, of course my curious little 3 year old is asking all sorts of questions. On one hand it is helping lighten the mood, and on the other hand I just want him to be quiet so I can concentrate on holding myself together. The lady gets our baby on the screen, shows us the head/profile, everything looks good. Shows us the heart, everything looks good. Shows us the spine and organs, everything looks good. Then she gets down to the butt and the baby is moving like crazy. So everytime she comes close to seeing, the baby moves again. Robbie and I both think we see a penis twice and I said out loud, oh its a boy isn't it. She stays quiet, as I am sure they are trained to do, until she knows for sure what she is seeing. She then finally gets a good shot, looks over at me and says..."Well, SHE doesn't have a penis!" I immediately burst into tears, can't believe what I just heard, and I say "Are you sure?". In fact, she is sure. She shows us her girl parts and types out Princess on the screen. At, this point Robbie is crying too, YES, my husband who doesn't cry over ANYTHING!
Here she is, our precious little girl! I told Robbie over and over, I TOLD YOU! I knew there was a reason I couldn't picture having a boy, it was because I had this sweet little girl growing inside of me. God had seen fit to answer the desires of my heart. We will be having a little girl in our family, due April 9th. Cali Grace McLaughlin. I was so beside myself that day and still am. Not only has God blessed us with a healthy baby, but a baby GIRL! I still can't get over being able to say SHE and HER. I love to talk about HER moving around in my tummy! Oh how blessed we are!