Dear baby girl,

Dear sweet baby girl,

I have dreamt of this my entire life. This time where I would be growing a sweet little girl inside of my stomach. Dreamt of buying all of these sweet pink girly things. Since I was a little girl I have prayed for you. Prayed that one day God would bless me with a daughter. I am so excited to meet you I can hardly stand it. The thought of what is to come excites and scares me. I pray that God will guide our steps as we raise you and you will always know how much you are loved and wanted. God is knitting you together in my womb as I write this and already knows the plans he has for your life. I have desperately wanted you for a long time and hope that you know your entire life how much your mommy and daddy will cherish you!

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." -Psalm 139:13-14

I love you baby girl, and can't wait to meet you and see you grow into the woman that God wants you to be!

Love,

Mommy

The desire of my heart...

So here is the deal, I have 2 amazing little boys that call me Mommy! Carson, who will soon be 2 and Caleb, who will soon be FOUR, wow 4! Anyway, I have always wanted to have at least one child of each sex and especially have always had a deep desire within me from the time I was a little girl to have a daughter. SO, after have 2 precious boys that I absolutely adore, and who adore their Mommy I might add ;), I wanted to try one last time to have a girl. I say one last time because it took a little convincing of my husband to even go past 2 kids. He was raised in a family of 4 kids and it was a little stressful and hectic at times, so he has never wanted to have 4 or more children.

After trying for over a year to conceive with Caleb, and then surprisingly conceiving Carson with NO "trying" when Caleb was 16 months old, we were determined to plan this one. So, since our boys are 2 years and one day apart, I really wanted our third child to be close to that so he or she could grow up close to them as well. I went off of birth control in June of this year, AND we did a lot of reading up on supposedly how you can do certain things to help you conceive a girl. NO weirdos, its not positions or anything crazy like that. Just has to do with when and how often you do the jig around when you are supposed to be ovulating. (yes, I said "the jig" lol) So, when the time came around to take a pregnancy test, its usually around 14 days after you ovulate, I took a test, and to my disappointment, NOT PREGNANT. I was a little sad, but it was the first month we tried, so I knew that we could keep trying, no big deal. But, the weird part was I just felt pregnant. Robbie kept telling me it was just me wanting myself to be pregnant and overthinking it so it made me a hypochondriac. ;) But I knew something just wasn't right. So, in secret I went and bought more pregnancy tests. Yes, in secret because those things are expensive and I know Robbie didn't want me spending anymore money on them. I took them a few days after the first and still nothing. So, at that point I started to tell myself that I really just wasn't pregnant this time. But the next week, I just still could not shake this feeling of "feeling pregnant"...so crazily I decided to buy tests one more time and this time I got the digital kind so there was no guessing on the lines. AND...

VIOLA!

I WAS in fact pregnant. We later figured out at the doctor that I had just ovulated later than I thought. So, there goes all the "trying" for a girl out the window. All the stuff we did was now in vain, it actually was in God's hands. (as if it wasn't in God's hands all along!)

So we went when to the doctor when we thought I was eight and a half or 9 weeks along to have our pregnancy confirmed and check everything out. They always do an ultrasound to confirm and see how far along you are.

Here is our little peanut at 7 weeks! Already such a precious little miracle!

And so the pregnancy journey begun. I had already begun to experience nausea around 6 weeks, and it would wind up only lasting until 10 weeks!! Which was really awesome because with Caleb it last until 12 weeks and Carson 16. I was constantly dreaming about and praying for a daughter. Yes, I know at this point the sex was obviously already whatever it was going to be, but I still couldn't help but pray. I think it was more just conversations with God. "God, surely you will give me the desires of my heart. I already have 2 beautiful boys that I love with all of my heart. Please bless me with a little girl." And other prayers, "God, please let me be ok and happy with whatever the sex of this baby is. Every child is a gift from you." "God, please just let this baby be healthy, and let me be ok if its not."

So, I wound up changing doctors and when I got to my new doctor she kept going by my last period for my due date, instead of the due date from the ultrasound I had gotten at my other doctor. She kept saying I was further along than I was. I kept trying to correct her but I guess she just kept forgetting. So when I was 15 weeks, almost 16 I was in for a checkup and I knew we would probably schedule my ultrasound while I was there for around 18 weeks which would have been at least a little over 2 more weeks. BUT, she was still going by the wrong due date thinking I was 17 weeks. So, she said well let's schedule your ultrasound for next week since you will be 18 weeks along. My mouth was shut! haha, I knew I was only going to be about 16 and a half weeks when I had the ultrasound, but I knew it was completely possible to find out the sex via ultrasound at that point in the pregnancy. I was getting to have my ultrasound 2 weeks earlier than I expected. I was elated!!!

Those next 7 or 8 days until the ultrasound were so hard. I would lay awake at night just wondering whether I had a little girl or boy inside of me. Every time I tried to picture this baby being a boy I just couldn't do it for some reason. So, that gave me major anxiety. Knowing that statistically we were most likely having another boy and I couldn't even picture having another boy in my mind was a hard pill to swallow.

So the day comes, October 28th, the day I will get to see my baby moving around on a T.V. screen. See that sweet little profile, see the hearbeat, and find out the sex of my baby. I made it at 9:30 in the morning so I wouldn't have to wait all day, I had already done enough waiting. We are driving to the appointment and Robbie keeps telling me that I have to be ok if its a boy because it probably is. I tell him to just be quiet and let me deal with it when I find out for sure. ;) We get back to the room, we have both of our boys. So, of course my curious little 3 year old is asking all sorts of questions. On one hand it is helping lighten the mood, and on the other hand I just want him to be quiet so I can concentrate on holding myself together. The lady gets our baby on the screen, shows us the head/profile, everything looks good. Shows us the heart, everything looks good. Shows us the spine and organs, everything looks good. Then she gets down to the butt and the baby is moving like crazy. So everytime she comes close to seeing, the baby moves again. Robbie and I both think we see a penis twice and I said out loud, oh its a boy isn't it. She stays quiet, as I am sure they are trained to do, until she knows for sure what she is seeing. She then finally gets a good shot, looks over at me and says..."Well, SHE doesn't have a penis!" I immediately burst into tears, can't believe what I just heard, and I say "Are you sure?". In fact, she is sure. She shows us her girl parts and types out Princess on the screen. At, this point Robbie is crying too, YES, my husband who doesn't cry over ANYTHING!

Here she is, our precious little girl! I told Robbie over and over, I TOLD YOU! I knew there was a reason I couldn't picture having a boy, it was because I had this sweet little girl growing inside of me. God had seen fit to answer the desires of my heart. We will be having a little girl in our family, due April 9th. Cali Grace McLaughlin. I was so beside myself that day and still am. Not only has God blessed us with a healthy baby, but a baby GIRL! I still can't get over being able to say SHE and HER. I love to talk about HER moving around in my tummy! Oh how blessed we are!

Caleb's Swim Lessons

Caleb got to take swim lessons in April. It is usually a 4 week session, but because Easter is in April they just did a3week session. I have been meaning to sign him up for a while and the swim season started getting closer and closer, soI figured it was probably time. I have always loved to swim, from an early age and was actually on competitive swim teams in Middle school and high school, so it is really important for me that my kids learn how to swim and have a chance to develop a love for swimming.

Caleb already proved to us last summer that he is a little fish that loves to swim, so I knew that he would do great with swim lessons already being comfortable around the water. He was excited about his first swim lesson and was a ready and willing participantjust as I thought he would be. His fellow classmates on the other hand were another story....there was one other little girl that was totally fine just like Caleb, but the other kids were screaming bloody murder.haha. Caleb was fine for the whole lesson, but there was one point where I had to reassure him that everything was ok, because the other kids screaming and crying were starting to scare him.

I was so proud of him and how great he did. I won't say anything else because the pictures speak for themselves...

My best frand! ;)

Ok, so here's the deal. I am a pretty emotional and sentimental person, ok maybe really sentimental and emotional...BUT, I don't really like to show that side of me a lot, except with my poor husband! ;) Today, is my chance to be sentimental and emotional with all of you...for a good reason! I am so blessed to have an awesome friend, so awesome that I wanted my blog post today to be about her. Our friendship is kind of funny, we have known each other for several years now and really have only started to get close over the last 6 months or so. But, I guess good things come in cool timing sometimes! Kirsten is one of the most giving people I know. Will give up her own chance to do something she likes just so you can do it, will spend her last penny on somebody else just because she loves to do for others, and will spend all of her time serving other people just because she allows God to use her like that! I am in awe of her kids, the incredibly godly and humble kids that she and her husband Kevin have raised, and love them just as much as I do her! I just wanted to say that she is one of those friends that make you want to be a better person and make you feel privileged to just be a part of their lives! I am so thankful for our friendship...

That is all! =)

New happenings...

So I am a photographer, and have my own business, which I feel soooo incredibly blessed to have. I am completely passionate about what I do, and know that I am so fortunate to be able to stay at home with my boys partly because of the income it brings in. I had a very busy holiday season this past year and also had a pretty busy January, but decided for February, that for the most part I wanted to "take the month off". I didn't do any shoots in February, but had a lot of time to do some studying, took a workshop, dreamed, planned, met with people, etc. It turned out to be a GREAT month. Now, March is here and I am back at it. I have lots of babies coming up and that brings me to something else new that is happening. I have a friend named Rachel that I knew in high school, and have also reconnected with in the past year or two via Facebook. She posted a picture on FB a couple weeks ago of an adorable owl hat that she had crocheted. It caught my eye right away, not only because it was SUPER CUTE, but because I had been praying for a long time to find somebody local that could crochet newborn photography props for me. Not only is Rachel local, but she is a mom just like me who desires to find a way to stay at home with her son and also be able to bring in income. Sooo, double bonus! I am so excited to start working with Rachel, there are so many cute things to come. But, already I have had the privilege of taking product pictures for her. It was a first for me, but hopefully the start of many to come! I can't wait for her to get her business off of the ground and can't wait to see all of the cute things she creates! Here is a sneak peek...

WOW! It's been a while!

I cannot believe that I haven't had a new post in over a YEAR now, well maybe I can, haha. Caleb is now 3 years old, going to preschool 2 days a week and learning new things every day. He is definitely in a stage of pushing the envelope as much as possible and mommy and daddy are trying to have lots of patience! =) He likes to tell Carson what to do and what not to do and also likes to act as if he is 20! Carson will be 14 months this week and STILL is not walking. This frustrates me sooo much because anyone who has held Carson for more than 2 seconds recently knows how insanley heavy he is!! He is a solid little boy and is wearing some clothes that Caleb can still wear! I really don't think it will be long before they meet in the middle on clothing size. He is a happy little boy most of the time, but very stubborn. Therefore, he gets very unhappy when he doesn't get what he has set his mind to, lol. I attribute his not walking yet to how stubborn he is. He just doesn't want to walk and he will walk when he wants to! I am praying that day is sooner rather than later!

On a different note, it is almost the end of February and we have had unusually warm weather lately, which I have loved! BUT, I realized last week with the first round of warm weather that I have almost NOTHING to wear. Yes, I mean almost nothing. I had forgotten that when I lost all my weight and bought new clothes that fit it was winter time. So, we are now approaching a new season and I must start shopping soon or I will just be wearing jeans and sweaters in the spring time,lol. I guess I can't complain though, I am so thankful to have lost the weight that I have. I pulled out a pair of size 15 capris out of my closet and couldn't believe I have come all the way from there to a size 6/8. I'm still not tiney, but I'm pretty happy with where I am at right now. Life is good!

P.S. I am going to try and blog a lot more, even if its about petty stuff. Keyword there is TRY! haha

I just can't settle...

There is something about me that has truly always been a part of me, even before I was a Christian, but even more now that I am...and that is that I just can't settle. I just can't settle for mediocrity, especially and specifically in my marriage. A marriage is one hardest but amazing things that we experience in life. With that said, it can be SO EASY to just get content in your marriage(not in a good way). It's like when we get married we just think that we don't really have to try anymore because no matter what we are going to be together. When you were dating each other you tried so hard to impress each other, you always made sure to be caring, and went on dates all the time because you knew that there was no permanent attachment and you wanted to do everything you could to stay with that person. When you get married its like you realize that you are together for good and no matter whether you try hard in the relationship or just allow life to pass you by, you will still be together.
I really feel like God definitely never intended for marriage to get that way. I heard Jerry Falwell once say "if its Christian it ought to be the best". Now, I know that sounds extremely cheesy and probably a little "churchy", but it really does ring true. God commands us in his word to become more and more like Christ, who was completely perfect while on this earth. If that is the case, then in our marriage and in the rest of our life we should never settle for mediocrity but always try to strive for the best we can, continually trying to get better.
Robbie and I have really tried to live this out in our marriage, especially in the last few weeks. We had really just gotten stuck into this rut, our marriage wasn't bad or great, it was just kind of lingering somewhere in the middle. We were never meant to just "be along for the ride" in our marriage. In saying this, I am really enjoying being able to fall in love with my husband all over again. It's like we are dating again, we are actually trying to put each others needs and wants before our own and its awesome. I am so excited to be on this journey with Robbie, he is such an amazing man, and I am so glad he, along with myself, doesn't want to settle for mediocrity.

Life is just passing by...

Do you ever have those moments in your life as a Christian where you just suddenly stop one day and realize that life has just been passing you by...what I mean by that is there are times in my life unfortunately where I find myself just letting life pass me by without stopping to invest in the most important relationship there is...my relationship with God. I feel like sometimes life just gets so crazy, things are happening so fast, that I find myself letting day after day pass without quality time with the one that makes all things possible. I am so thankful to serve a God that allows me to come back to him time after time after I have so foolishly let our relationship slip away, and just welcomes me with open arms. How incredible is it to know that NO MATTER WHAT I do, I can always return to the one who loves me more than ANYONE! Incredible...

Celebrating 2 years and new life!

On December 28th we celebrated Caleb's 2nd birthday. I can't believe how incredibly fast my little man is growing up. It was a Monday night and we had some of Caleb's friends over for a party while I was VERY pregnant with Carson. He had a lot of fun with his friends and started crying when we sang "Happy Birthday", lol. He did a great job this year with opening presents and was actually interested and got excited about his presents. I am so proud of my 2 year old little man that is growing up so quickly and learning new things everyday. He is truly a blessing and brings great entertainment everyday! He is starting to talk in sentences and gets really frustrated when you can't understand what he is trying to tell you.

After everyone had left our house from Caleb's birthday party and we got Caleb in bed and were cleaning up, my water suddenly broke! I was only 37 weeks but ECSTATIC to not have to be pregnant anymore and to get to meet my new little man! My brother and his wife who were in town for the holidays came over and stayed at our house with Caleb so we could go to the hospital. We wound up having Carson Graham McLaughlin at 9:51 am the next morning.

I remember contemplating many times while I was pregnant how I would possibly able to love another son as much as I love Caleb, but as soon as they laid Carson on me and tears were streaming beyond my control, all those thoughts were completely gone. I loved him more than I could have possibly imagined! I am so blessed to be the mommy of two amazing little boys and can't wait to watch them grow up together!

My Almost 2 year old!!

I have recently started to study/practice hard with photograpy and this picture of Caleb is from a recent practice shoot I did with him. I have the best subject to practice on! While looking at and editing these pictures I couldn't even believe how incredibly big my little man is getting. He does something new everyday and continues to look more and more like his daddy! I am so thankful for such a precious gift in my life. I always say that everyday I have the best entertainment I could ask for, haha. I don't think I will ever get over what a blessing it is to be the Mommy of Caleb, and soon to Carson. WOW, what an incredible life!